I must remind myself…..

….that I am not the center of the universe, not even my universe…..not anymore.

Nothing has gone right since I got to Bakersfield on Saturday afternoon.  Well, let me rephrase, nothing has gone the way I want it to….nothing has gone MY way.

Mom has been looking forward to going registering for baby stuff for a long while now, so I made sure I left early enough that I got to Bakersfield early enough to hit Babies ‘R’ Us and Target to register for the baby things.

That was fun.


More like four hours of hell.

I was actually looking forward to having fun picking out cute and fun baby stuff.  I thought the pressure was off since a lot of the big stuff I’m already getting from friends who have had kids and don’t use anymore: crib, bassinet, pack ‘n’ play, stroller, high chair, baby glider bed thingy, bouncer, bath, swing, booster, 2 carry car seats (that I’ll need to have checked out by the fire department and approved before I use them), changing pillow, monitor.  I was wrong, so wrong.

First we went to the infant area, and I registered for those things you plug into the outlets so your baby doesn’t electrocute him/herself.  I wanted to register for the foam stuff that you line your sharp edged furniture with so baby won’t kill herself if she falls and hits her head, but mom said I didn’t need that yet.  I also wanted to get the baby nail clippers, but mom nay-sayed that as well saying regular clippers work just fine.

Baby bottles.  I didn’t know there were so many choices.  I knew my friend had suggested that I get the ones made by the tampon company, but I couldn’t remember the name at the time.  There are three major brands of baby bottles at Baby’s ‘R’ Us, one I can’t remember, Avent, and Playtex (the tampon company).  The only real difference I saw between Avent and Playtex is that Playtex comes with the plastic bottle liners.  I don’t understand why that is better than having a bottle without the liners, but it was suggested so I registered for them….and some liners.  Mom wasn’t thrilled with my choice, but did admit that with the liners I wouldn’t have to sterilize the bottles after feedings.

Bath.  Yes, I know technically I already have one, but I figure if I get two then I can have a spare for my mom’s place, or Rachel’s daddy’s mom’s place so if she is going to be spending any amount of time at one place or the other, I don’t have to lug all the stuff around every time I go…or she goes.   Mom said a sink works fine, and I don’t need a bath.  Yes, I know technically she’s correct, but I don’t want to wash my kid in a sink unless I have to.  So we’re looking at baths and I find one I like.  It looks comfortable and its good for ages infant to 2 years old, and has different positions you can put it in depending on their age and whether or not they can sit up on their own.  Mom doesn’t like it.  She says that it should have this thing or that feature and looks at the other ones…and I’m like, the one I showed you has all those features.  She approves.  I’m getting frustrated.

Strollers.  Oh dear God strollers.  Mom doesn’t like any of the strollers, they’re too big, too bulky, too heavy.  Its not quite apparent to her that ALL the stroller’s are pretty much the same: same bulk, same weight.  She said get something that friends recommend, and I tell her that all my friends have pretty much the same kind of stroller, that they have recommended these kinds of strollers because they come with car seats that come out of the stroller and go into the car, and that ONE of my friends has offered to buy me one of these strollers even though they’re 250+ dollars.  That is apparently how bad I need to have one.  This friend doesn’t make a whole lot of money either, so its pretty impressive she wants to buy me one if no one else does first.

I find a stroller I like and that is a good compromise to what she’s complaining about regarding the other strollers.  Its a Windsor jogging stroller, in purple.  It has the detachable car seat and the water bottle holders and the little netting on the bottom to hold stuff….I’m assuming the diaper bag.  Its lighter than the others and folds up so it can fit easily in the trunk (so did the others ones, but this one does it with less bulk).   I also like it because I plan on walking with one of my friends and her little girl as often as possible, and since daddy likes to jog….well, it IS a jogging stroller.

Mom doesn’t like it.  Her major complaint is that the car seat only holds from 5-30 pounds and that when baby is over 30 pounds I’m going to have to buy another stroller.  I lose it.  I don’t scream, but I’m not exactly quiet when I ask her, “What the fuck are we doing here then?  Everything I try to register for I don’t need, and you don’t like anything that I do need.  You realize that the stroller I’m getting from my co-worker will be one of those big bulky ones you hate, don’t you?”

I’m frustrated….and about 2 years old at this point.  Customer Service gave me a scan-gun, goddammit, and I aim to use it!  (pun totally intended)  I scan the Windsor, brushing off her protests with, “I’ll research it when I get home, but I don’t want to forget this stroller”.

Next section is car seats.  Considering all the drama in the Stroller section, we walk in with the agreement that we’re just looking, not registering, for car seats.  Research must be done.  We look, we leave, and walk into the pack ‘n’ play section.

It gets better from here on out.  Mom points out the merits and faults of everything we look at (in general, not item specific…more what to look for ideas) and I find things I like.  I even find a few keepsake things I like, and register for them against her wishes.

Target was easier as we pretty much went and just looked at the clothes.  Although we found cute clothes at Babies ‘R’ Us, they didn’t have a lot of newborn stuff (oddly), so target it was for more newborn stuff.  I think Mom felt bad about setting me off earlier, because she bought me a pretty maternity dress that I liked and a maternity swim suit, which I am looking forward to using because I’ve been pretty much stationary this whole time and its irritating me.  I need to move.


I don’t get along with the Easton side of the family.  We love each other and are friendly and all, but for reasons I won’t go into I just don’t get along with them.  Its not that I don’t want to….we just aren’t that close.  So, I go to my cousins house looking forward to seeing all my cousins, as usual, but not expecting a rip-roaring good time.

The Easton side of the family smokes, like, all my cousins except for Annette (and me now).  I sat at a table away from them because, when I say they smoke, I don’t mean a cigarette here and there, they chain smoke.  So me and mom sit with Annette’s husband’s side of the family and I listen to them talk about their farms (they make their living from agriculture and livestock).  My cousins congratulate me, and Nick (my cousin Natalie’s husband) keeps telling me I’m actually having a boy, which I laugh at but secretly every time he says that I really have to resist the very strong urge to kick him in the shin.  Hard.

I’m not too incredibly upset when 4pm rolls around and its time for me to leave.  At least the food was good.

Monday, nothing happened except I went to bed early.

Tuesday (today), I get woken up by my apartment’s stalker at 5:20 am, but at this point I’m just annoyed that he woke me up 20 minutes before my alarm went off.  I wanted that 20 minutes.  I get up and yell at him that I’m not opening the door and to go away, and then go back to bed, hitting snooze when the alarm goes off 20 minutes later.  A few times.

When I get to work, I see the scar (or Aura as they are commonly known as to the rest of the migraine world) and isn’t that just great.  Tylenol and lots of caffeine keep it at bay but I have this pressure in my head and my neck and upper back and shoulders are so incredibly tense that they are sore.

Around lunch time I see that I’ve missed a call from my OBGYN’s office and tell myself that I need to let Rachel’s daddy know that I have an appointment on Thursday.  It was later in the afternoon that I look at my calendar and realize the appointment isn’t Thursday, its tomorrow.  Shit.  I go to the break room and text him, saying that if he wants to go I can pick him up tonight and he can come with me to work in the morning and either putt around Orange for the day, or go back to my place and get more sleep and just be back at my work at 3:30 so we can make the appointment at 4:00.

Admittedly, I didn’t text him until almost 3pm and I am sweating bullets that he gets the message before I leave work at 4:30 (overtime) because if he says to pick him up and its 7pm, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to depending on the condition of my migraine.  I call him and leave a somewhat hopefully coherent voicemail message on his phone, and drive home hoping I hear from him before I park at my apartment.

I hear from him about a mile away from home that he can catch a ride out to my work and be there before 3:30.  Yay and boo at the same time.  Yay he’ll be able to make the appointment even though I told him about it with very little notice.  Boo because I was hoping he’d want to see me and spend time with me.

It didn’t matter that him getting up and coming to work with me at 6:30 am is incredibly inconvenient, it didn’t matter that he might have things he needs or wants to do today or tomorrow, it didn’t matter that he might have plans.  Hell, it didn’t even matter that maybe he had nothing planned or nothing that he wanted to do, and that maybe he just DIDN’T WANT to.  I told myself that he has his life and it’s his to do with as he pleases, but I was disappointed.  Yes, I cried, but just a little.  It was more of a few “spoiled brat didn’t  get her way” tears than an actual cry.  I don’t know if it’s because I don’t feel well or if its hormones, or what….but I guess it doesn’t matter.  I have to deal with it either way.


About Chaos5150

I'm a medical coder by day, hermit by night, a 24 hr mommy, and a closet line-dancer whenever I get the chance. I love my daughter, I love my job, I love my friends, I love my cats, and I love my family. I love the dry heat, driving into the middle of the desert at night to see the moon and the stars, beading jewelry, torturing the unaware, and scaring people. People say I'm evil, but I'm not. I'm just a little mischievous.
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