Back to life, back to reality

I woke up this morning to my baby girl fussng beside me.  It was cold and she had kicked the covers off her, but that wasn’t why she was fussing.  I could tell by the way she was breathing that she was wide awake, and hungry. 

I looked at the clock and it was a little after 4am, and my alarm was set to wake me in an hour.  I fed my baby girl and held her in my arms until that horrible sound rang loudly in my heretofore quiet room.   I didn’t want to get up.  I didnt want to leave my baby. 

Today was going to be a long day, because today I was returning to work after 4 months of leave.  No more lazy day of cuddling with my baby, trying to get chores done while she sleeps.  Today I rejoined the workforce.

While I was looking forward to seeing my friends and co-workers, I was moving slow.  The longest I’d been away from her thus far had been 5 hours, and now I was going to have to double it.  10 hours away from my baby.  Just the thought was torture.

After hitting snooze for the 3rd time, I slowly dragged my tired body out of the warm and cozy bed I had been sharing with my little girl.  I looked at her, could barely see her it was so dark.  I let my eyes adjust and her face was getting clearer, and with help from the little bit of electric light sneaking through my blinds, I could see her just fine.

She was splayed out on her back, arms up at either side, and her hair stuck up at odd angles.  Her hands were lax beside her face, which was turned toward me.  Her eyes were closed, her long eyelashes dark against her porcelein skin.  Her lips were turned slightly downward, resembling a bow. 

I leaned over and kissed her on her cheek once, twice, three more times.  She didn’t stir as I picked her up from the bed and carried her to her crib.  She slept soundly as I layed her down and pulled her blankets up to make sure she was warm.  She continued to sleep through my getting dressed in the dark, which I found to be hazardous as I found the corners of her dresser with my hip, and stubbed my toe on something.

I used the flashlight app on my phone to make sure I had grabbed the correct things out of my closet to put on.  My black top, grey bottom dress was on correctly, not inside out, and my red belt and matching heels were also on.  I wasn’t sure I had grabbed the correct shoes as they looked black when I took them out of the closet.  I was proud of my accessorizing.  I liked the red belt I bought for the dress, and it gave the dress a more flattering empire waistline. I had to laugh, Rachel turned me into a girl.  Never before had I cared about accessories, but now I’m learning.

I grabbed my lunch, my purse, and my pump and ran out the door, only to turn around and run back into the bedroom to give my baby girl more kisses.  I was early so I drove the speed limit to get to work, and pulled into a parking spot 20 minutes before my work day was to start. 

I got out of the car and headed toward the tall, white building in which I work.  The wind was strong, and I had to fight it to make the short distance from the parking lot to the buildings lobby.  The wind was the physical manifestation of my desire to return home.  I wanted to let that wind push me back to my car so I could get in and go back home an snuggle with my baby.

I don’t have that choice, so the wind lost today.

I made it though work.  My friend Cyndi had a surprise for me when she came in.  I had won a digital photo frame at last years Christmas party and had given it to her since she had really hoped to win it, and since I had also won the navigation system I really wanted.  Today she placed it on my desk, the digital photo frame, and on it were pictures of my baby girl she had downloaded the night before.  Between that and the updates and pics from baby girl’s daddy, who was with her today, I was good.  I didn’t cry once, though I got teary-eyed a few times.

I beat feet as soon as it came time to leave, though.

I love my baby girl, and it kills me to be away from her all day, but now I have someone to come home to, and smother with kisses.  I cherish every moment I have with her.

About Chaos5150

I'm a medical coder by day, hermit by night, a 24 hr mommy, and a closet line-dancer whenever I get the chance. I love my daughter, I love my job, I love my friends, I love my cats, and I love my family. I love the dry heat, driving into the middle of the desert at night to see the moon and the stars, beading jewelry, torturing the unaware, and scaring people. People say I'm evil, but I'm not. I'm just a little mischievous.
This entry was posted in parenthood and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s